Hello, I’m Baaaack!

My friend, Claire, asked me sometime ago how I managed to write with two kids and a husband.  At that time, my daughter was almost two and I had just given birth to my son.  Soon after that, I went back to work full-time.  Well, Claire, you’ll be happy to know that I do not possess special powers.  I used to get my best writing done between midnight and  3 a.m.  I maintained this blog, http://www.bologna2bethlehem.wordpress.com and had created a website for my husband’s fashion design / alternation business.  I was forever working on grant writing and storming through chapters of my novel-in-progress as inspiration and opportunity arose.

But after many episodes of falling asleep at my desk – the paying job – I knew things had to change.  I needed sleep.  So updates to the blog faded.  My main character in the novel, Rema, has been in limbo on her cousin’s couch since September 2012.  I’d really like to get her back in school and graduated now.  She only had a few weeks to go back in 2012, so either she was held back – overmuch – or life has gotten in the way of creativity for far too long.

After exercising my brain on lumosity.com before one particular writing session, I felt I really had something of substance to work with.  The entire plot emerged in about a week’s time, from beginning to end.  I knew details and histories and locations…  I was prepared to take my time to develop her story and watch it play out.  I knew I had grown as a writer when I experienced the plot taking shape in a direction that I had not intended it to go.  My hands were doing the writing, but the story seemed to surpass me and develop itself.  I was just trying to keep up!  And then it all stopped.

Now, it’s 2014 – two years later – and I want it all back.  So in keeping with the phrase: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ my creative juices exploded and multiplied in these last few weeks of April.  Ideas started developing at every turn.   I hope it means I have reignited my imagination.  I am back to pursuing a gift basket arrangement and greeting card home business.  I created the business cards already.  I am working on the website daily.  I registered the writing-for-profit / gift making business on http://www.thumbtack.com and have steadily received leads.

Also, I am slowly getting my home studio  in order.  I have even scribbled a layout of the floor plan.  Last night, as I was perusing Funds For Writers, I came across this crowd-funding site just for writers.  Can I really do all of this?  I don’t know.  I still have a husband, the two kids (now 2 and 4 years old) and the full-time day job, besides spiritual and social obligations.  But, can this be the year Life starts to make sense and I get on the road to literary success?  Well, the one thing that I will NOT fail at is trying.  And so far, I am inching my way through.

1.) I worked on my website design;

2.) I started creating a crowd-funded project to buy time to finish the book; and

3.) I posted to my blog tonight – the first time this year I think…or the first time in a year.  Did I completely bypass 2013?

Next challenge is to pick up that manuscript again (one of dozens on my hard drive) and see if I can still get absorbed in the story line and characters.  I’ve thought about them regularly since I started working and I actually found myself missing them, as if they were real people who I had suddenly stopped communicating with.  I wanted to know how they were, what was going on and how past events had turned out.  But, I was the one delaying the continuity of their lives.  They live in my mind, but I want to let others – real people – get to know them and tell me what they think.

Eventually, I will design a website for all my creative works and link everything together.  But, if my business and my book do become successful, how will I have time to keep up all these websites and blogs?  Will I need to hire a ghostwriter?

Anyway, the goal is not to keep pushing more work on myself but to find enjoyment in life and become more available to raise my kids and be engaged in their lives.  I truly appreciate my babysitter, but I want my old job back!  And all of this is foremost for the love of my kids.  The joy I get is secondary and any financial benefit is third.  I pray that this is the right time for me to find my way back to this great love that I walked out on two years ago.  I never meant to let it go for so long, but I just couldn’t find the energy or motivation to even make the effort.  Now something in me has been rekindled.  I’ll try not to let it down again.

Needless to say, it’s after midnight.  Same old story.  12:50 a.m.  Ah, just like old times after all.  So, buona notte ancora.  Good night again.  Ci vediamo presto.  See you again soon!

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About bologna2bethlehem

46 year old blogger/writer/poet/mother of two, missing Italy heart and soul...2017 still.
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