Watch me work!

#watchmework! That’s what my niece always writes on her Facebook page. It makes me think of empowerment, like I’m not going to stop. Watch me keep pushing forward and reaching out for my dreams and life’s goals. I love that thought. I love the motivation it inspires.

It’s what first came to mind when my Kickstarter failed yesterday. Of course, I didn’t pay out money to all those e-mailers who said they could drive people to my campaign. They could, they couldn’t, I can’t really know for sure. I just didn’t have the money to gamble. There are no guarantees either way. But ‘one monkey don’t stop no show!’ I won’t give up on anything. We’ve only just begun. I am reaching out for every opportunity. This is only February. 2015 still has 10 more months to make this year greater than the last.

So FedEx is having a contest to win small business grants. Periodically, Intuit does the same. We are all over that right now. We still need to see some profit from my husband’s business (MICHAEL IJI Custom Design & Tailoring Studio, Cary NC). It’s been six months and we’re at the halfway point of Profit or Bust. Six more months and we won’t be able to keep pouring loans and household income into it. It’s either going to swim or cause us to sink. I want it to be successful mostly so that I can get back to raising my kids instead of leaving it to a babysitter every day.

My 3 yr. old son said to me one morning, “Babysitter agaaaaain!?’ I felt so bad as I left for work, I nearly cried all the way there. What choice do I have? We’ve already tried homelessness and penniless-ness for a couple of years. We didn’t like it so much…despite its character building properties.

I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want to be super-rich. I just want to provide for my family and be available to my kids when they need me. I don’t want “Not now, I’m busy” to replace my name as Mommy. My daughter will start school this fall. I’ve already lost the last two years with her and my son. I don’t want to lose anymore. I cannot NOT be employed. I also can’t sacrifice my children for the job. Where is my happy medium? Keep pursuing the dream? Watch me work!


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About bologna2bethlehem

46 year old blogger/writer/poet/mother of two, missing Italy heart and soul...2017 still.
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